T stairs work because it is an ex_tendes metaphor. We have a one in 10 thousand kid who dolts his feeling about writing in this way. Made space for me to remember an other evisceration feeling a few of boomers would tell me things about my wedge of the room being some nothing . I walked out of those moments sideways but feeling performative. One of them was a capricious woman they say in part because she had a good hobbit strong husband. They can be mine it sounds in my paper helmeted head like when friends say just no to you. Plus, thankyou for this.
“You haven’t been hot since college.” Omg… I’m in tears. What a fabulous article. You put a face to a writers self-doubt by imagining one amalgamous, turd face, punk kid. Brilliant! My self-doubt is not as specifically defined but it is there and it is debilitating. Why do we take criticism to heart as much as we do? We know in our logical brain that there are way more readers who love our work than hate it. Yet, one scathing comment can send us into the fetal position. You are correct, though, that the critic, inner and outer can (and must) be defeated. We have to practice our thick-skinned-ness and simply trust that we are doing what we do because it’s what we do. Articles like this one is a huge help, Meg!
Signed the guest book, now for the mimosa—may I request a mojito instead please?
Glad to hear you broke Dolt's hoverboard and shoved the vape stick into his ear (usually nemesis bros like this don't have much btwn the ears so the smoke will go right through). You got this Meg.
There is a secret to defeating your writer's nemesis before s/he even materializes. It's directing your soul to be born in a country behind the Iron Curtain, with your ancestral family shattered, some of its members assassinated, and the survivors sent to all corners of the world to save themselves. You are then swept away across the ocean, deposited in a strange land where little kids poke fun at you and hate on you for being the spelling bee in class despite not speaking English yet. You not only learn English as a second language—you wear the hats of every permutation of a writer you can think of, and infiltrate that industry's communications core. You learn the weak spots of the nemeses in each of those worlds, you hone in on their fears, their doubts, and you neutralize them before they grow big enough to threaten you. It's a lifelong journey, but it is The Path.
Great metaphor and great advice. I’m glad you’re on the other side of this , which is evident by your writing an excellent piece.
In grad school, when I was preparing to write my dissertation, a professor gave me similar advice. Find the critical voice and give it shape. That can even be an object, anything that you can see, and talk to. Talk back at. And it works!
Thank you, Jan. I originally wrote this piece in February, so I've come a long way since then. I even went as far as to print a copy of my nemesis and affix him to a dartboard that I gifted myself. 🙂 Things between Dolt and I are peachy now. Just peachy. 💜
I think I have a totally different take on life, now that life has thrown me a curve ball. I don't listen to the self doubting voices anymore. I know they'll always be there, but I've turned my back on them. I don't care; I don't give a fuck what those voices say. Maybe it helps that I don't write essays? Fiction is interpretive. I don't know where the voice I write with comes from, but it kicks the shit out of the voices that used to call me out as a fake. Maybe it's because I had so many people telling me I should give up and walk away because I'll never make it as a writer? I don't know. I don't have the answers. So I don't go looking for them. I live in my own little bubble--a fantasy world (and it has dragons)--and try not to second guess myself. I don't expect to be a best seller, but I might be; I don't expect to win prizes, or make a living; but it could happen. All I know is that if I don't write and put my stuff out there, the voices in the back of my head will have won. I can hold them back when I write, and so that's what I do. I mean, don't get me wrong, sometimes the voices in my head have some pretty good ideas, but I try not to listen to them...too much.
Thanks for your thoughts, Ben. This piece was first published back in February, which seems like eons ago. I think what made Dolt's appearance so irritating was that he manifested himself from things I was telling myself and things people were telling me in real life. So, it was kind of a perfect storm of shit. 😂 I'm way over Dolt now. I don't doubt my writing abilities anymore. I'm pretty sure I've got something. For me it's the mid-forties, okay this is either going to work out or it isn't and if it isn't I'd better start figuring out a plan B stuff that bums me out. I really don't want to do plan B. I'd rather stick to this plan and see what happens. Just keep writing/throwing stuff at the wall and see what sticks.
So timely, this. Had a long conversation the other night with my partner on the topic of, why are we gaslighting ourselves? And how do we stop?
I’m wondering whether these inner multitudinous hypercritical voices have been planted in our heads by parents and peers, or are they genetic, hardwired in our brains? Damn it, half of living a decent life lies in damping down our own self-negativity. (Without going too far the other way into narcissism and sociopathy. Ah, damn the balance beam, full speed ahead!)
Hey David! These are the questions!!! I think our expectations might be to blame. We HAVE been hard-wired to view success as high marks, awards, praise, wins.
"I made this thing, now what do I get in return?" Cuz, it should be something, right? I mentioned this in another comment, but there's a great book by Seth Godin called "The Practice," where he tries to get you to shift your mindset to see success as results rather than outcomes. If you scroll down (or up?) to Tom A.'s comment, I talk more about it in my reply. The book is a quick read and full of soul affirming takeaways. Highly recommend.
In the meantime, I like the full speed ahead idea. Let's go with that!
Damn. You weave a mighty fine silver lining Re: Dolt's inevitable decline. There wasn't officially a comment contest today. But congratulations. You win. 🥂
First, you made laugh-- so there hoverboard guy! Second, I totally get this essay. Now, more serious stuff: Did you know that Alice Munro once went to a college workshop and the prof told her she had no talent? She didn't pick up her pen for another nine months, according to her daughter's book about her. Then, Alice won the Nobel Prize. I know she was exceptional. I know, I know. I also know we writers need encouragement. Thank you for this funny, wise essay, Meg Oolders--and for joining us on Inner Life. xo ~ Mary
Thank you, Mary! For your delightful comment and for the opportunity to share my work here today.
Unlike poor, Nobel Prize winning Alice, I've yet to put my "pen" down for more than a day or two in the last two years. When the Dolts of the world start chipping away at my armor, it usually just means I'm overdue for a nap. Or a snack. Or some retail therapy. Or a hug. Or two. 🙂Sometimes a little time away is all that's needed to reactivate the creative ink. 💜
Thanks, Meg. And I too contain multitudes, so I feel your soul through your voice. And I love your other article, as well. They both make me think, which is why I read. I wrote something similar to that one years back: https://www.tomasacker.com/personal-articles/shine-a-light
Yes, as social animals, we are wired to engage and share. And so when we feel that connection, it fuels us to create even more. The true question is the source of our drive. Is it the Universe wanting to create through us, and we are simply its earthly vehicles? Or is our drive determined, directed and fed by external rewards and incentives?
Interestingly, I think the inner narrative is the problem, regardless of its sentiment. And I've been thinking a lot about whether or not a self-referential story is necessary for a powerful creative drive – especially one filled with fantasy and drama regarding one's relative place in the social world. I wrote a longer piece about that as well: https://www.tomasacker.com/personal-articles/the-unintended-consequences-of-storying-ourselves
Anyway, thanks for connecting. I truly appreciate your passion and willingness to engage.
Ack. Rewards and incentives. We're programmed from childhood to crave those things. It's a very difficult pattern to break. I found a lot of inspiration in Seth Godin's "The Practice" which addresses this and offers an alternative: Doing creative work for the results, not the outcome. The result is the work finding its way into the world. We can control the result. We write the thing. We hit publish. It's out there. Done! The outcome is whatever we've decided we want the work to bring us. Likes, comments, praise, awards, contracts, fame, fortune. These are the things we have NO control over. They're moving targets with no guarantees. And yet we spend a lot of time in pursuit of them. Time better spent making the next great creative thing!!!
I say this like it's something I've mastered. I absolutely have not. 🙂 I appreciate your engagement as well! And thanks for sharing your work. I've bookmarked both pieces.
Such a brilliant idea! Get the condemning voices out of my own head and into someone else that I can step on like a cockroach! Why did I never think of that? I have days just like this, Meg, lots of them. Always second guessing, internal voices sabotaging, denigrating my work. It is exhausting. I just want you to know, for what it is worth: I DO give a shit about your work, I WILL read any book you write because you CAN write fucking brilliantly --better than most anyone I know. As far as witnessing the world catching fire and ending in our lifetime, that, I am afraid, I have to agree with. So we need to write quickly.
Yes! Quickly and with purpose! Or the hell with purpose. Just plain quickly is as good a way as any to get somewhere. 😂 Thanks for reading, Sharron. And for your many kind words about my writing. Happy to have you in my corner.
Dolt’s older brother, Diff (short for indifference), is on the couch with a game controller. He’s wearing a fracture boot on one foot; his other foot is bare. His T-shirt depicts a sloth hanging upside down with the caption “TWO LEGS SCHOOL / FOUR LEGS RULE.”
It's so important when someone shares their private struggles. It reminds the rest of us that we're not alone with our brutal inner critics. It's tricky. To be a good writer, we must have a tough inner critic. Without her, our work would be mushy derivative, drivel. But what you're describing in your hoverboard dude is not that. That's the shame monster. The one who isn't interested in the work, but rather the ego and specifically how to annihilate it. If I had to attach one phrase to my shame monster it's "Who do YOU think you are?!"
Yeah, this guy didn't have a lot of redeeming qualities. And this was one of those situations where I WAS taking a lot of things too personally and letting them bleed into my sense of value as a creative. A lot of us link our identity to our jobs, and sometimes I forget that writing is my JOB. (Probably something to do with not getting paid for it 😉) So, any attack on myself (via milkshake or otherwise) often feels like an attack on my work. And vice versa. I least I can take comfort in the fact that this makes me human. Not a robot. 🙂
I love your writing, please keep doing it. But your intuition about your inner voice, if it’s sincere, is misguided and will not serve you well over time. Get to know it, it has value. And then teach it how and when to be of service to you.
My inner voice, like my outer voice, is a multitude. I went back and forth between sharing this piece and this other one, which you'll find has a strikingly different tone. https://stockfiction.substack.com/p/on-your-mark
Both pieces came to me when I was overwhelmed by an inner narrative. One happened to be positive and the other negative. They both yielded a creative result! So, I absolutely see the value in all the ways my heart and mind speak to me and get me to write stuff down. 🙂
T stairs work because it is an ex_tendes metaphor. We have a one in 10 thousand kid who dolts his feeling about writing in this way. Made space for me to remember an other evisceration feeling a few of boomers would tell me things about my wedge of the room being some nothing . I walked out of those moments sideways but feeling performative. One of them was a capricious woman they say in part because she had a good hobbit strong husband. They can be mine it sounds in my paper helmeted head like when friends say just no to you. Plus, thankyou for this.
“You haven’t been hot since college.” Omg… I’m in tears. What a fabulous article. You put a face to a writers self-doubt by imagining one amalgamous, turd face, punk kid. Brilliant! My self-doubt is not as specifically defined but it is there and it is debilitating. Why do we take criticism to heart as much as we do? We know in our logical brain that there are way more readers who love our work than hate it. Yet, one scathing comment can send us into the fetal position. You are correct, though, that the critic, inner and outer can (and must) be defeated. We have to practice our thick-skinned-ness and simply trust that we are doing what we do because it’s what we do. Articles like this one is a huge help, Meg!
Thanks for visiting this one again, Claudine! I will always remember it as the story that brought us together on Substack. 🙂💜
As do I, Meg!
Yes. This writing feels real.
Thank you for reading, Mary. 💜
Haha. Great piece Meg! Fuck hoverboards!
*hat tip*
Signed the guest book, now for the mimosa—may I request a mojito instead please?
Glad to hear you broke Dolt's hoverboard and shoved the vape stick into his ear (usually nemesis bros like this don't have much btwn the ears so the smoke will go right through). You got this Meg.
There is a secret to defeating your writer's nemesis before s/he even materializes. It's directing your soul to be born in a country behind the Iron Curtain, with your ancestral family shattered, some of its members assassinated, and the survivors sent to all corners of the world to save themselves. You are then swept away across the ocean, deposited in a strange land where little kids poke fun at you and hate on you for being the spelling bee in class despite not speaking English yet. You not only learn English as a second language—you wear the hats of every permutation of a writer you can think of, and infiltrate that industry's communications core. You learn the weak spots of the nemeses in each of those worlds, you hone in on their fears, their doubts, and you neutralize them before they grow big enough to threaten you. It's a lifelong journey, but it is The Path.
At this point in the evening, it's mojitos all around.
Your story humbles me. 💜
Great metaphor and great advice. I’m glad you’re on the other side of this , which is evident by your writing an excellent piece.
In grad school, when I was preparing to write my dissertation, a professor gave me similar advice. Find the critical voice and give it shape. That can even be an object, anything that you can see, and talk to. Talk back at. And it works!
Thank you, Jan. I originally wrote this piece in February, so I've come a long way since then. I even went as far as to print a copy of my nemesis and affix him to a dartboard that I gifted myself. 🙂 Things between Dolt and I are peachy now. Just peachy. 💜
😆👍🏼
I think I have a totally different take on life, now that life has thrown me a curve ball. I don't listen to the self doubting voices anymore. I know they'll always be there, but I've turned my back on them. I don't care; I don't give a fuck what those voices say. Maybe it helps that I don't write essays? Fiction is interpretive. I don't know where the voice I write with comes from, but it kicks the shit out of the voices that used to call me out as a fake. Maybe it's because I had so many people telling me I should give up and walk away because I'll never make it as a writer? I don't know. I don't have the answers. So I don't go looking for them. I live in my own little bubble--a fantasy world (and it has dragons)--and try not to second guess myself. I don't expect to be a best seller, but I might be; I don't expect to win prizes, or make a living; but it could happen. All I know is that if I don't write and put my stuff out there, the voices in the back of my head will have won. I can hold them back when I write, and so that's what I do. I mean, don't get me wrong, sometimes the voices in my head have some pretty good ideas, but I try not to listen to them...too much.
Thanks for your thoughts, Ben. This piece was first published back in February, which seems like eons ago. I think what made Dolt's appearance so irritating was that he manifested himself from things I was telling myself and things people were telling me in real life. So, it was kind of a perfect storm of shit. 😂 I'm way over Dolt now. I don't doubt my writing abilities anymore. I'm pretty sure I've got something. For me it's the mid-forties, okay this is either going to work out or it isn't and if it isn't I'd better start figuring out a plan B stuff that bums me out. I really don't want to do plan B. I'd rather stick to this plan and see what happens. Just keep writing/throwing stuff at the wall and see what sticks.
So timely, this. Had a long conversation the other night with my partner on the topic of, why are we gaslighting ourselves? And how do we stop?
I’m wondering whether these inner multitudinous hypercritical voices have been planted in our heads by parents and peers, or are they genetic, hardwired in our brains? Damn it, half of living a decent life lies in damping down our own self-negativity. (Without going too far the other way into narcissism and sociopathy. Ah, damn the balance beam, full speed ahead!)
Hey David! These are the questions!!! I think our expectations might be to blame. We HAVE been hard-wired to view success as high marks, awards, praise, wins.
"I made this thing, now what do I get in return?" Cuz, it should be something, right? I mentioned this in another comment, but there's a great book by Seth Godin called "The Practice," where he tries to get you to shift your mindset to see success as results rather than outcomes. If you scroll down (or up?) to Tom A.'s comment, I talk more about it in my reply. The book is a quick read and full of soul affirming takeaways. Highly recommend.
In the meantime, I like the full speed ahead idea. Let's go with that!
Agreed! I will look for the Godin book!
Mimosa?
I'll ship one to you. You still live in the house I grew up in, right?
Did you grow up....?
Jk 😜
Zing! And no. Obviously. 😁
Giving your nemesis an exploding ride and cancer habit is an excellent long-term investment. You’re in trouble when your anti-muse does 10ks.
Damn. You weave a mighty fine silver lining Re: Dolt's inevitable decline. There wasn't officially a comment contest today. But congratulations. You win. 🥂
First, you made laugh-- so there hoverboard guy! Second, I totally get this essay. Now, more serious stuff: Did you know that Alice Munro once went to a college workshop and the prof told her she had no talent? She didn't pick up her pen for another nine months, according to her daughter's book about her. Then, Alice won the Nobel Prize. I know she was exceptional. I know, I know. I also know we writers need encouragement. Thank you for this funny, wise essay, Meg Oolders--and for joining us on Inner Life. xo ~ Mary
Thank you, Mary! For your delightful comment and for the opportunity to share my work here today.
Unlike poor, Nobel Prize winning Alice, I've yet to put my "pen" down for more than a day or two in the last two years. When the Dolts of the world start chipping away at my armor, it usually just means I'm overdue for a nap. Or a snack. Or some retail therapy. Or a hug. Or two. 🙂Sometimes a little time away is all that's needed to reactivate the creative ink. 💜
You're a delight!
Thanks, Meg. And I too contain multitudes, so I feel your soul through your voice. And I love your other article, as well. They both make me think, which is why I read. I wrote something similar to that one years back: https://www.tomasacker.com/personal-articles/shine-a-light
Yes, as social animals, we are wired to engage and share. And so when we feel that connection, it fuels us to create even more. The true question is the source of our drive. Is it the Universe wanting to create through us, and we are simply its earthly vehicles? Or is our drive determined, directed and fed by external rewards and incentives?
Interestingly, I think the inner narrative is the problem, regardless of its sentiment. And I've been thinking a lot about whether or not a self-referential story is necessary for a powerful creative drive – especially one filled with fantasy and drama regarding one's relative place in the social world. I wrote a longer piece about that as well: https://www.tomasacker.com/personal-articles/the-unintended-consequences-of-storying-ourselves
Anyway, thanks for connecting. I truly appreciate your passion and willingness to engage.
Ack. Rewards and incentives. We're programmed from childhood to crave those things. It's a very difficult pattern to break. I found a lot of inspiration in Seth Godin's "The Practice" which addresses this and offers an alternative: Doing creative work for the results, not the outcome. The result is the work finding its way into the world. We can control the result. We write the thing. We hit publish. It's out there. Done! The outcome is whatever we've decided we want the work to bring us. Likes, comments, praise, awards, contracts, fame, fortune. These are the things we have NO control over. They're moving targets with no guarantees. And yet we spend a lot of time in pursuit of them. Time better spent making the next great creative thing!!!
I say this like it's something I've mastered. I absolutely have not. 🙂 I appreciate your engagement as well! And thanks for sharing your work. I've bookmarked both pieces.
Such a brilliant idea! Get the condemning voices out of my own head and into someone else that I can step on like a cockroach! Why did I never think of that? I have days just like this, Meg, lots of them. Always second guessing, internal voices sabotaging, denigrating my work. It is exhausting. I just want you to know, for what it is worth: I DO give a shit about your work, I WILL read any book you write because you CAN write fucking brilliantly --better than most anyone I know. As far as witnessing the world catching fire and ending in our lifetime, that, I am afraid, I have to agree with. So we need to write quickly.
Yes! Quickly and with purpose! Or the hell with purpose. Just plain quickly is as good a way as any to get somewhere. 😂 Thanks for reading, Sharron. And for your many kind words about my writing. Happy to have you in my corner.
Dolt’s older brother, Diff (short for indifference), is on the couch with a game controller. He’s wearing a fracture boot on one foot; his other foot is bare. His T-shirt depicts a sloth hanging upside down with the caption “TWO LEGS SCHOOL / FOUR LEGS RULE.”
Yes. Dolt and Diff come from a long line of slacker douchebaggery. 😏
It's so important when someone shares their private struggles. It reminds the rest of us that we're not alone with our brutal inner critics. It's tricky. To be a good writer, we must have a tough inner critic. Without her, our work would be mushy derivative, drivel. But what you're describing in your hoverboard dude is not that. That's the shame monster. The one who isn't interested in the work, but rather the ego and specifically how to annihilate it. If I had to attach one phrase to my shame monster it's "Who do YOU think you are?!"
Right on, Ben.
Ha! Thank you, Ben.
Yeah, this guy didn't have a lot of redeeming qualities. And this was one of those situations where I WAS taking a lot of things too personally and letting them bleed into my sense of value as a creative. A lot of us link our identity to our jobs, and sometimes I forget that writing is my JOB. (Probably something to do with not getting paid for it 😉) So, any attack on myself (via milkshake or otherwise) often feels like an attack on my work. And vice versa. I least I can take comfort in the fact that this makes me human. Not a robot. 🙂
I love your writing, please keep doing it. But your intuition about your inner voice, if it’s sincere, is misguided and will not serve you well over time. Get to know it, it has value. And then teach it how and when to be of service to you.
Thank you for this, Tom.
My inner voice, like my outer voice, is a multitude. I went back and forth between sharing this piece and this other one, which you'll find has a strikingly different tone. https://stockfiction.substack.com/p/on-your-mark
Both pieces came to me when I was overwhelmed by an inner narrative. One happened to be positive and the other negative. They both yielded a creative result! So, I absolutely see the value in all the ways my heart and mind speak to me and get me to write stuff down. 🙂
Thank you so much for reading and commenting.