Thank you, Imola for this post. I think a lot about how trauma shapes us and how that shaping effects what we do, who we are, in the world. Of course, traumatic experiences can be incredibly painful and cause all sorts of suffering, but I am finding myself pondering what skills traumatized people (particularly, those with complex trauma because that's my experience) can bring to our world now in the midst of so much turmoil and change that perhaps, others cannot. Many people with complex trauma were socialized very differently than society would consider "normal" or "healthy." However, in the midst of so much upheaval (pandemics, climate change, polarization), I wonder if these individuals, who actually grew up in chaos and catastrophe, might have something very valuable to share with the world. I am not, in any way, discounting healing from trauma (I've had plenty), but all of my experiences shape my person and will continue to do that. I really appreciate this post!
Firstly Emily, much love to you. I feel you. With all my heart. As I mentioned in my comments above, I am not suggesting, for a second, that a simple mind shift can cure complex, deep trauma. Some traumas can never be healed and will accompany us for the rest of our lives. We somehow have to learn to live with them. I am writing this as I myself feel triggered by old traumas that the horrors in the world bring up for me. But I love your perspective that these experiences can also help us be “healers” (at least in a moderate way). Yes, growing up with chaos sadly equipped us to help others with their chaos…? I think this is taking the growth a step further! Not just using our traumas for our personal growth, but collective healing!! It’s admirable. And I think you have just made me realize that perhaps that is exactly what I was trying to do here with this post… thank you for the inspiration!
Thanks, Imola. I absolutely understand that you're not suggesting trauma can be shifted easily or completely healed. And I agree that renaming, reframing, etc. is important and necessary work. Your piece just helped me to ponder again some things I've been considering lately around trauma. I've circled the trauma landscape for awhile and am now beginning to explore the "edges" and wonder what other possibilities might be out there. Collective healing is certainly one of them! Thank again.
Thank you Jeannie. Trauma is such a big, complex subject with so many nuances that I don’t pretend to know/ understand a small portion of it. I am a writer, not a doctor or psychologist and I think it is important to note. I share my experience with humility. Discard what you feel uncomfortable with. Your inner wisdom always rules!
I really appreciate this thoughtful exploration of trauma/stress and its recognition of the truth that nothing (or almost nothing) in our experience is ever all one thing or another. At one point in reading I found myself resisting somewhat, thinking of situations that I concluded I could not change and needed to leave, but then I realized that leaving can be part of an act of creation, too--as you and Joshua attest to in the comments below. I really like the idea of shifting my mindset by shifting language, from post-traumatic stress to post-traumatic growth.
I feel you Rita! Trauma is such a big, complex topic and some traumas are very hard/impossible to overcome/ grow from. We do what we can. It’s not easy. I think self-compassion is a very important component.
so very wise the advice about not avoiding stress...inviting it in as a path to growth and connection...if anxiety/stress is an energy it should be tapped like we do hydro-power to make electricity 🤗
Very nice essay. To me it evokes the time honored strategy of cognitive behavior therapy. To solve the problem, (1) change the real world causes of trauma if you can, and (2) on the psychological side, "reframe" it. Change the way you look at it to extract good lessons and move forward as a better human being.
As someone recently divorced, I think it can be hard to see that a choice that temporarily adds stress actually prevents intergenerational grief in the long run. I was a better parent almost immediately after the split and continue to grow in that way because there is no other choice when you're on your own. I wish you and your daughters all the best! Thanks for sharing your story with us here.
Thank you Joshua. I hear you, and feel you. I assure you that I did not see my separation as a blessing while going through it. It took a lot of hard work and determination to keep an amicable relationship with my ex, which we still maintain. There were many, many challenging moments, but as a child to divorced parents I didn’t want to put my daughters through the same animosity. We co parent much better since we are separated. But I feel that this is another post (or story!). I wish you the very best of luck for this new adventure. Be kind to yourself as you go along.
So, key to understand: the life of trauma, so relevant to almost all of us--to state the paradox. And so glad you joined us. The three of us who own this site all read you and all agreed: We want you. xx ~ Mary
Aww. I’m so touched Mary! Truly. I discovered Inner Life last week and I had the same reaction: I want to be part of the important work you are doing! Truly honoured.
Reading this with a smile. The way you have learnt to turn the disadvantage of past baggage and stress to your advantage is something important to apply in our lives. snd the whole post is written so honestly and real makes it a pleasant experience... ill come back to it again
Thank you for this writing!!!! I needed this for sure!
I’ve been going through some healing lately and this resonates deeply with me.
I don’t know you, but I can “hear” you in your writing! KEEP GOING!!!! 💗🥰
Thank you Sarah for your kind words. Any little way I can help, I’m glad. These are practices for me too…
This is such important thinking, Imola. Resilience and growth can change so much. Thank you!
Thank you Noha! Yes, they can. Even if they are rarely straight forward, or easy.
Thank you, Imola for this post. I think a lot about how trauma shapes us and how that shaping effects what we do, who we are, in the world. Of course, traumatic experiences can be incredibly painful and cause all sorts of suffering, but I am finding myself pondering what skills traumatized people (particularly, those with complex trauma because that's my experience) can bring to our world now in the midst of so much turmoil and change that perhaps, others cannot. Many people with complex trauma were socialized very differently than society would consider "normal" or "healthy." However, in the midst of so much upheaval (pandemics, climate change, polarization), I wonder if these individuals, who actually grew up in chaos and catastrophe, might have something very valuable to share with the world. I am not, in any way, discounting healing from trauma (I've had plenty), but all of my experiences shape my person and will continue to do that. I really appreciate this post!
Firstly Emily, much love to you. I feel you. With all my heart. As I mentioned in my comments above, I am not suggesting, for a second, that a simple mind shift can cure complex, deep trauma. Some traumas can never be healed and will accompany us for the rest of our lives. We somehow have to learn to live with them. I am writing this as I myself feel triggered by old traumas that the horrors in the world bring up for me. But I love your perspective that these experiences can also help us be “healers” (at least in a moderate way). Yes, growing up with chaos sadly equipped us to help others with their chaos…? I think this is taking the growth a step further! Not just using our traumas for our personal growth, but collective healing!! It’s admirable. And I think you have just made me realize that perhaps that is exactly what I was trying to do here with this post… thank you for the inspiration!
Thanks, Imola. I absolutely understand that you're not suggesting trauma can be shifted easily or completely healed. And I agree that renaming, reframing, etc. is important and necessary work. Your piece just helped me to ponder again some things I've been considering lately around trauma. I've circled the trauma landscape for awhile and am now beginning to explore the "edges" and wonder what other possibilities might be out there. Collective healing is certainly one of them! Thank again.
We are circling the same edges, together!
Yes, nice to have the company:)
Though I am not comfortable with some of what I read, I appreciate your willingness to write and discuss this topic. Thank you!
Thank you Jeannie. Trauma is such a big, complex subject with so many nuances that I don’t pretend to know/ understand a small portion of it. I am a writer, not a doctor or psychologist and I think it is important to note. I share my experience with humility. Discard what you feel uncomfortable with. Your inner wisdom always rules!
I really appreciate this thoughtful exploration of trauma/stress and its recognition of the truth that nothing (or almost nothing) in our experience is ever all one thing or another. At one point in reading I found myself resisting somewhat, thinking of situations that I concluded I could not change and needed to leave, but then I realized that leaving can be part of an act of creation, too--as you and Joshua attest to in the comments below. I really like the idea of shifting my mindset by shifting language, from post-traumatic stress to post-traumatic growth.
I feel you Rita! Trauma is such a big, complex topic and some traumas are very hard/impossible to overcome/ grow from. We do what we can. It’s not easy. I think self-compassion is a very important component.
so very wise the advice about not avoiding stress...inviting it in as a path to growth and connection...if anxiety/stress is an energy it should be tapped like we do hydro-power to make electricity 🤗
Yes! I love this!
Very nice essay. To me it evokes the time honored strategy of cognitive behavior therapy. To solve the problem, (1) change the real world causes of trauma if you can, and (2) on the psychological side, "reframe" it. Change the way you look at it to extract good lessons and move forward as a better human being.
As someone recently divorced, I think it can be hard to see that a choice that temporarily adds stress actually prevents intergenerational grief in the long run. I was a better parent almost immediately after the split and continue to grow in that way because there is no other choice when you're on your own. I wish you and your daughters all the best! Thanks for sharing your story with us here.
Thank you Joshua. I hear you, and feel you. I assure you that I did not see my separation as a blessing while going through it. It took a lot of hard work and determination to keep an amicable relationship with my ex, which we still maintain. There were many, many challenging moments, but as a child to divorced parents I didn’t want to put my daughters through the same animosity. We co parent much better since we are separated. But I feel that this is another post (or story!). I wish you the very best of luck for this new adventure. Be kind to yourself as you go along.
So, key to understand: the life of trauma, so relevant to almost all of us--to state the paradox. And so glad you joined us. The three of us who own this site all read you and all agreed: We want you. xx ~ Mary
Aww. I’m so touched Mary! Truly. I discovered Inner Life last week and I had the same reaction: I want to be part of the important work you are doing! Truly honoured.
You honor us by joining us.
Reading this with a smile. The way you have learnt to turn the disadvantage of past baggage and stress to your advantage is something important to apply in our lives. snd the whole post is written so honestly and real makes it a pleasant experience... ill come back to it again
Thank you. I try… :)
I LOVE THE CONFIDENCE 🫀✨