This is wonderful, Tara! Love the answer to the question, "who is my neighbor?" Yes. Everyone is. Make neighbors of strangers. Reminds me of Lincoln's answer when challenged about being too easy on / cozy with enemies -- "Do I not defeat my enemy when I make him my friend?" (Although that does have an ominous ring to it, given current events.)
I love how your mind works, Tara. I'm coming away from this feeling some relief. For now, I will "go about my regular activities." That may change, and I'll be ready for it.
I love the context you give in this one, Tara. Thank you! I feel like turning a blind eye becomes so complicated when the internet, social media, etc... put all the ills in the world in front of us so many times in a day, asking us "well well, what are you going to do about this?" It is paralyzing for the compassionate person who feels the urge to do something but can't, and for a long time I had a feeling it was a social engineering tool used against us. Maybe it is, but that is beside the point.
We forget in all of this, that just making the world around us (in our everyday lives) a better, safer, more beautiful and compassionate place to exist, is really the secret sauce.
Sometimes I think that means putting ourselves in the physical/social spaces where we would have the best chance at making a meaningful effect. Sometimes it means just staying where we are and putting compassion and mercy into the meat. OMG. I loved that line, by the way. Thank you for your writing and thinking and sharing of it all with us :-) <3
Exactly! Thank you, Patrick. You describe the problem for conscientious people very well. From your last paragraph, I think the answer is "both/and." Sometimes we do have the expertise, connections, passion, ideas, etc, to put ourselves in spaces where we have a chance of a larger effect. But I do think, in the absence of those things, it's ok to put compassion in the meat. ;-) Thank you for commenting. May the Force of good be with the compassionate and conscientious all the world around!
So well written and thoughtful Tara. These are not easy questions to answer when we see so much hurt and destruction in the world and we can’t possibly solve all the problems — at least not at once! Small, meaningful actions can go a long way without taking us away from our other responsibilities which don’t go away. I wholeheartedly agree that we first need to take care of those close to us for whom we are immediately responsible — including ourselves.
And thank you so much for the mention. I’m honoured to be included!
Reading the stories of Jesus is profitable. Knowing our Savior in a personal way, and trusting Him with your life is essential! When we trust Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior, the free gift of the Holy Spirit - a/k/a ONBOARD CIRCUITRY, sorts out all the 'what should we do, what should we not do's,' of life. Remember the 'still small voice?'
Quite right, Bob, that a personal conviction adds another level to profitable reading. The "still small voice" is one of the most gracious gifts! I try to write in a way that feels welcoming to those with or without a personal faith. But you're right, it clears mountains of mental clutter to have it. :-)
I've been talking about exactly this--almost your whole essay here--with everyone I can get to tell me what they're thinking. What you wrote here defines who you are and the very fact that you, Tara, are doing something.
Yesterday was Holocaust Memorial Day--and it seemed as if nobody noticed. I was thinking about this quote about our need to "do something". The quote is inscribed on the Holocaust Memorial in D.C.:
First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.
Marc Friedman had a Note yesterday about his weighty discovery of how many extended family members he lost to the Holocaust. 350!
I was thinking of that Niemöller quotation while I was writing. Several times, I revised with that in mind, when I began to sound too facile about facing the needs right in front of us. Chances are good that there are opportunities for speech and action right where we live and work, if we are paying attention.
Tara, thank you for including me in your highly detailed and thoughtful piece.
My intentions in helping people understand ways to reduce the consequences of automatic reactions, are universal.
What is happening in America at the moment is one such example of the effect of overwhelming change. Practising how we are triggered by smaller everyday stresses builds a kind of emotional resilience that allows us to think things through before we jump to action. Like an elite sports team during mid-week training, prior to the big game on Sunday.
This not about suppressing emotion. It is instead, about leaning on our non-negotiable human core values, then intellectually pondering on appropriate actions. This gives us the self-confidence to do the tough things required.
I love the way you threaded quotations with the practical tips in your post. I agree with you about the value of those practices. Glad to have found your essay while I was writing this.
Loved every bit of this post Tara. Thank you for the kind mention. On a hike with a therapy colleague last week she wisely advised, "now is the time to stay in our lane and do what we do best. If I concentrate my efforts on what I do and the change I can instill as my best self instead of spreading myself too thin, I can move mountains." Her own way of being aware of her surroundings and becoming fiercely intentional in her everyday actions.
Perfect, Lisa! Thank you for sharing your friend's wisdom. It's a treat to join hands with this resolve to double down on what we do best. Please thank your friend and let her know she is part of this mutual recognition ceremony, if she wishes to be.
I've been talking about all of this with my 12 yr old. She is quite aggrieved about the binary gender rule. But she was saying in the car, after driving home from a night out, that nothing she could do would make a difference. Ever since then I've been encouraging her to find ways to use her voice. We might start with a letter to the editor, but remaining engaged with things that matter to her, including her LGBTQ club, is still a way to use her voice.
Your point about not veering too many steps out of the usual path is so important. I'd talk to my students often about climate change. Activists would have us believe that it is the great moral issue of our time, of a scale that justifies enormous personal sacrifice. We'd watch the documentary about Tim DeChristopher, a young person who tried to defend a wild place by fraudulently bidding on several parcels of land that were up for public lease. He went to prison for his actions -- a sacrifice that I could not justify as a father.
I'm also mindful of how similar the playbook for legalizing gay marriage was to your blueprint here. It was not the zero sum struggle that we see playing out now in American politics (with alarming echoes of the Middle East). It was a nudge toward common ground, a reminder that everyone had a brother, niece, aunt or uncle, or cousin who was denied a basic civil right. There was almost no sacrifice required in that case, just a simple shift in thinking: oh, right, people I love are affected by this. It's one of the only recent benchmarks of social progress that I feel is worth emulating.
The theme of small steps struck me most strongly as I was writing this. We celebrate the Good Samaritan for doing something heroic, but really, the remarkable act preceded his arrival. The attack on the first man made the story such a big one. The Good Samaritan did not determine the scale of the problem; nor did he solve the lasting, larger problem of thievery on the steep, winding road full of gulches and hiding places (right at home to Intermountain Westerners). He just saw one person suffering and did what he could. Then he left the man at the inn with money and went on his business. The sacrifice was a little time, a little money, but no large diversion from whatever he was already doing. When I set this against Long Way Down (where the protagonist stops what he is doing, takes a weapon he doesn't usually carry, and goes out of his way to react to circumstances), the difference is stark, and the wisdom seems to say, "Do less."
Thank you so much for this thoughtful piece. You've identified the struggles well, yet the responses seem elusive. You've given me some helpful ways to think about how best to move forward, moment to moment. I really appreciate it!
Thank you for reading, Hal! "Moment to moment" is right where I landed - not that this combination of texts points to a specific action plan, but rather it authorizes us to take things slowly, not rush into action because we think we "should" (a red flag word I chose intentionally for my title). I'm for trusting ourselves to recognize the right time and way to act, no two alike. I appreciate your comment!
I read this with deep interest, as the question of how to proceed in these times without either being an appeaser or tilting at windmills is at the top of my mind. I agree with your approach: the skillful way, I'm coming to see more clearly, is to stay kind, protect our inner sanctum, yet stay ready. Those "few steps" outside our normal daily actions are sure to present themselves, and that's when we need to be ready to make the best choice.
Thank you for reading with such care, Jan. You’ve said it succinctly and well. Funny you mention Quixote. That literary example crossed my mind also. It seems easy to waste much energy that way. Here’s to attention and readiness!
Timely thoughts here, Tara, and I'm honored that my recent post could serve as an example. Thank you so much for sharing it.
Attending to what we have right before us, receiving and offering kindness where we can -- these may be all we manage, but they are not nothing! A friend of mine has chosen "Steering the fear" as a guiding message for 2025. She texted this morning: "I stopped making mountains out of molehills and started expecting things to go well and then… They do! It’s actually giving me some confidence!! Eureka!!!"
This is not to suggest that there isn't plenty of cause for concern. But fear breeds more fear and that is often expressed as either anger or paralysis, neither of which are constructive.
That’s a wonderful message from your friend. I appreciate the discernible community of wisdom on Substack - bringing our best attention to whatever we find near us. Your post is a great example.
I have a hunch that many of us are in a similar place on this subject. For those who are in the thick of action right now, Godspeed to their merciful efforts. Thank you for sharing!
Something James Vukelich Kaagegaabaw (author of THE SEVEN GENERATIONS AND THE SEVEN GRANDFATHER TEACHINGS) said this week has helped me answer the question of whether I should be doing something about all of this. "I will not cede my emotional sovereignty in the ceremony of daily life." I won't stick my head in the sand, but I will not be jerked around on a leash of lies.
Well said. Thank you for sharing that, Jill. Every word is just right. Many folks who responded to my Note a few days ago seemed to make related points. The inner life must really be the wellspring of action. Emotional sovereignty finds itself at home there.
This is wonderful, Tara! Love the answer to the question, "who is my neighbor?" Yes. Everyone is. Make neighbors of strangers. Reminds me of Lincoln's answer when challenged about being too easy on / cozy with enemies -- "Do I not defeat my enemy when I make him my friend?" (Although that does have an ominous ring to it, given current events.)
I love how your mind works, Tara. I'm coming away from this feeling some relief. For now, I will "go about my regular activities." That may change, and I'll be ready for it.
I love the context you give in this one, Tara. Thank you! I feel like turning a blind eye becomes so complicated when the internet, social media, etc... put all the ills in the world in front of us so many times in a day, asking us "well well, what are you going to do about this?" It is paralyzing for the compassionate person who feels the urge to do something but can't, and for a long time I had a feeling it was a social engineering tool used against us. Maybe it is, but that is beside the point.
We forget in all of this, that just making the world around us (in our everyday lives) a better, safer, more beautiful and compassionate place to exist, is really the secret sauce.
Sometimes I think that means putting ourselves in the physical/social spaces where we would have the best chance at making a meaningful effect. Sometimes it means just staying where we are and putting compassion and mercy into the meat. OMG. I loved that line, by the way. Thank you for your writing and thinking and sharing of it all with us :-) <3
Exactly! Thank you, Patrick. You describe the problem for conscientious people very well. From your last paragraph, I think the answer is "both/and." Sometimes we do have the expertise, connections, passion, ideas, etc, to put ourselves in spaces where we have a chance of a larger effect. But I do think, in the absence of those things, it's ok to put compassion in the meat. ;-) Thank you for commenting. May the Force of good be with the compassionate and conscientious all the world around!
Thank you so much for the mention, Tara. And for your lovely piece of writing.
Thank you for dropping by, Amanda. I appreciated the preview discussion in Notes. :-)
So well written and thoughtful Tara. These are not easy questions to answer when we see so much hurt and destruction in the world and we can’t possibly solve all the problems — at least not at once! Small, meaningful actions can go a long way without taking us away from our other responsibilities which don’t go away. I wholeheartedly agree that we first need to take care of those close to us for whom we are immediately responsible — including ourselves.
And thank you so much for the mention. I’m honoured to be included!
Thank you, Serena. Like you, I have learned to check in with the body's messages, and those have their own clarity.
Absolutely. Those, for me, are some of the strongest and most reliable.
Reading the stories of Jesus is profitable. Knowing our Savior in a personal way, and trusting Him with your life is essential! When we trust Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior, the free gift of the Holy Spirit - a/k/a ONBOARD CIRCUITRY, sorts out all the 'what should we do, what should we not do's,' of life. Remember the 'still small voice?'
Quite right, Bob, that a personal conviction adds another level to profitable reading. The "still small voice" is one of the most gracious gifts! I try to write in a way that feels welcoming to those with or without a personal faith. But you're right, it clears mountains of mental clutter to have it. :-)
I've been talking about exactly this--almost your whole essay here--with everyone I can get to tell me what they're thinking. What you wrote here defines who you are and the very fact that you, Tara, are doing something.
Yesterday was Holocaust Memorial Day--and it seemed as if nobody noticed. I was thinking about this quote about our need to "do something". The quote is inscribed on the Holocaust Memorial in D.C.:
First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.
—Martin Niemöller
Marc Friedman had a Note yesterday about his weighty discovery of how many extended family members he lost to the Holocaust. 350!
I was thinking of that Niemöller quotation while I was writing. Several times, I revised with that in mind, when I began to sound too facile about facing the needs right in front of us. Chances are good that there are opportunities for speech and action right where we live and work, if we are paying attention.
Thank you for having me as your guest! ❤️
Tara, thank you for including me in your highly detailed and thoughtful piece.
My intentions in helping people understand ways to reduce the consequences of automatic reactions, are universal.
What is happening in America at the moment is one such example of the effect of overwhelming change. Practising how we are triggered by smaller everyday stresses builds a kind of emotional resilience that allows us to think things through before we jump to action. Like an elite sports team during mid-week training, prior to the big game on Sunday.
This not about suppressing emotion. It is instead, about leaning on our non-negotiable human core values, then intellectually pondering on appropriate actions. This gives us the self-confidence to do the tough things required.
I love the way you threaded quotations with the practical tips in your post. I agree with you about the value of those practices. Glad to have found your essay while I was writing this.
30 years an academic means I love a reference. I know evidence has become old-fashioned but it’s hard to break a habit.
Haha! I think it's a strength. :-)
Loved every bit of this post Tara. Thank you for the kind mention. On a hike with a therapy colleague last week she wisely advised, "now is the time to stay in our lane and do what we do best. If I concentrate my efforts on what I do and the change I can instill as my best self instead of spreading myself too thin, I can move mountains." Her own way of being aware of her surroundings and becoming fiercely intentional in her everyday actions.
Perfect, Lisa! Thank you for sharing your friend's wisdom. It's a treat to join hands with this resolve to double down on what we do best. Please thank your friend and let her know she is part of this mutual recognition ceremony, if she wishes to be.
Thank you for this dedicated space, Tara. "Mutual recognition ceremony" is a beautiful form of protest.
I've been talking about all of this with my 12 yr old. She is quite aggrieved about the binary gender rule. But she was saying in the car, after driving home from a night out, that nothing she could do would make a difference. Ever since then I've been encouraging her to find ways to use her voice. We might start with a letter to the editor, but remaining engaged with things that matter to her, including her LGBTQ club, is still a way to use her voice.
Your point about not veering too many steps out of the usual path is so important. I'd talk to my students often about climate change. Activists would have us believe that it is the great moral issue of our time, of a scale that justifies enormous personal sacrifice. We'd watch the documentary about Tim DeChristopher, a young person who tried to defend a wild place by fraudulently bidding on several parcels of land that were up for public lease. He went to prison for his actions -- a sacrifice that I could not justify as a father.
I'm also mindful of how similar the playbook for legalizing gay marriage was to your blueprint here. It was not the zero sum struggle that we see playing out now in American politics (with alarming echoes of the Middle East). It was a nudge toward common ground, a reminder that everyone had a brother, niece, aunt or uncle, or cousin who was denied a basic civil right. There was almost no sacrifice required in that case, just a simple shift in thinking: oh, right, people I love are affected by this. It's one of the only recent benchmarks of social progress that I feel is worth emulating.
The theme of small steps struck me most strongly as I was writing this. We celebrate the Good Samaritan for doing something heroic, but really, the remarkable act preceded his arrival. The attack on the first man made the story such a big one. The Good Samaritan did not determine the scale of the problem; nor did he solve the lasting, larger problem of thievery on the steep, winding road full of gulches and hiding places (right at home to Intermountain Westerners). He just saw one person suffering and did what he could. Then he left the man at the inn with money and went on his business. The sacrifice was a little time, a little money, but no large diversion from whatever he was already doing. When I set this against Long Way Down (where the protagonist stops what he is doing, takes a weapon he doesn't usually carry, and goes out of his way to react to circumstances), the difference is stark, and the wisdom seems to say, "Do less."
There is humility in that.
There is nothing diminutive about caring for the small beautiful things and people close at hand, even if it looks to others like escape.
True, true. The issue of scale is really irrelevant. Mercy is not a quantifiable noun.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful piece. You've identified the struggles well, yet the responses seem elusive. You've given me some helpful ways to think about how best to move forward, moment to moment. I really appreciate it!
Thank you for reading, Hal! "Moment to moment" is right where I landed - not that this combination of texts points to a specific action plan, but rather it authorizes us to take things slowly, not rush into action because we think we "should" (a red flag word I chose intentionally for my title). I'm for trusting ourselves to recognize the right time and way to act, no two alike. I appreciate your comment!
I read this with deep interest, as the question of how to proceed in these times without either being an appeaser or tilting at windmills is at the top of my mind. I agree with your approach: the skillful way, I'm coming to see more clearly, is to stay kind, protect our inner sanctum, yet stay ready. Those "few steps" outside our normal daily actions are sure to present themselves, and that's when we need to be ready to make the best choice.
Thank you for reading with such care, Jan. You’ve said it succinctly and well. Funny you mention Quixote. That literary example crossed my mind also. It seems easy to waste much energy that way. Here’s to attention and readiness!
Timely thoughts here, Tara, and I'm honored that my recent post could serve as an example. Thank you so much for sharing it.
Attending to what we have right before us, receiving and offering kindness where we can -- these may be all we manage, but they are not nothing! A friend of mine has chosen "Steering the fear" as a guiding message for 2025. She texted this morning: "I stopped making mountains out of molehills and started expecting things to go well and then… They do! It’s actually giving me some confidence!! Eureka!!!"
This is not to suggest that there isn't plenty of cause for concern. But fear breeds more fear and that is often expressed as either anger or paralysis, neither of which are constructive.
That’s a wonderful message from your friend. I appreciate the discernible community of wisdom on Substack - bringing our best attention to whatever we find near us. Your post is a great example.
Thank you for this, Tara. So wise and very, very helpful.
I have a hunch that many of us are in a similar place on this subject. For those who are in the thick of action right now, Godspeed to their merciful efforts. Thank you for sharing!
Something James Vukelich Kaagegaabaw (author of THE SEVEN GENERATIONS AND THE SEVEN GRANDFATHER TEACHINGS) said this week has helped me answer the question of whether I should be doing something about all of this. "I will not cede my emotional sovereignty in the ceremony of daily life." I won't stick my head in the sand, but I will not be jerked around on a leash of lies.
Well said. Thank you for sharing that, Jill. Every word is just right. Many folks who responded to my Note a few days ago seemed to make related points. The inner life must really be the wellspring of action. Emotional sovereignty finds itself at home there.
Love this Jill. I've been reminding myself of something similar. I will not "cede" my agency to chaos. Thank you.